How to Hide an Alien Read online

  There was a gentle, almost shy tapping at Eddie’s back door.

  “That will be Wes!” the Star Boy said cheerily, his amber glow intensifying as Kiki bounded off the sofa to let their friend in.

  “I am SO glad to see you!” said Kiki, waving Wes inside.

  “Hello, Wes! I’m exceptionally ecstatic to be in your company again!” said the Star Boy.

  “Well, it’s good to see you too,” Wes replied, as he settled himself down on one of the saggy sofas. “So what have I missed?”

  “I have learned to make tea!” announced the Star Boy. “Eddie showed me how. You must stir together a tiny bag of leaves, heated H20 and liquid from a cow! Would you like me to make some for—”

  “Hold it!” Kiki interrupted. “Stan, I think Wes needs to know about more important things than that. Like what happened this morning… Which, if it keeps happening, is going to make it even harder to hide you.”

  Of course this was the reason that Kiki was not smiling. She was rightly concerned about the situation. And from the expression on Wes’s face he was concerned too. The Star Boy needed to reassure his friends that the problem – whatever it was – was temporary (he hoped).

  “Some electrical irregularities have occurred,” the Star Boy explained quickly. “I think perhaps I might have unwittingly caused them due to energy surges, which are possibly occurring while my system recalibrates in the Earth’s atmosphere…”

  He watched as Wes looked at Kiki for more information.

  “Before you got here, Stan told me that he somehow managed to start Eddie’s motorbike in the night – without using the key,” said Kiki, crossing her arms. “But, worse than that, this morning Stan was standing outside on the pavement –”

  “Invisibly,” the Star Boy interrupted, hoping that Wes would at least be relieved to know this fact.

  “– and the electrical equipment in all three shops in the parade went nuts,” Kiki continued.

  “Nuts how?” asked Wes.

  “The lights of all the kettles and stuff in the front window of the Emporium were flashing; the washing machines in the laundrette all came on; Mr Pickle’s shutters were zooming up and down,” said Kiki.

  “The disturbance only lasted one minute and six seconds,” the Star Boy butted in.

  “It felt a lot longer,” said Kiki. “Luckily, Eddie came back and managed to convince Mrs Crosby and Mr Pickle that it was an energy company issue and nothing to worry about.”

  “Wow,” said Wes, taking it all in.

  “Wow, wow, WOW,” repeated the Star Boy, rolling the lovely word around in his mouth.

  “What are you doing?” Kiki asked him.

  “’Wow’ is a casual expression of astonishment. I can use it in public. It is a word that will make me fit in!” said the Star Boy. “And while we were waiting for you to arrive, Wes, Kiki taught me many other useful things to help me blend in.”

  “Hold on,” said Kiki, “I don’t think that’s as important as—”

  “What useful things, Stan?” asked Wes, his face lighting up with interest. “What’s Kiki been teaching you?”

  The Star Boy squirmed in his seat a little, as he got ready to list what he had learned.

  “One: I must never go into the Outside without both of you. Two: I must try to observe and copy your behaviours when we are in the Outside. Three: I must not use my data lens around people as they might see it scrolling. Four: I must not point at other Humans, as it can annoy them. Five: I must use a quiet voice when observing and discussing people so that I do not seem rude or draw attention to myself. Six: I must always blink my eyes up and down, and never from side to side.”

  “That’s great, Stan!” said Wes. “And well done, Kiki – you’ve pretty much covered everything Stan needs for now. So how about we go out somewhere and let him practise being human?”

  “Wait a sec, Wes,” said Kiki. “Don’t you think it’s a bit soon? We haven’t even started on a cover story for him!”

  The Star Boy saw Wes give a not-worried shrug.

  “Why don’t we say he’s a family friend of Eddie’s who’s come to stay for a bit? That’ll do!” Wes said hurriedly, as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Anyway, I thought we could all go to see THIS today!”

  The Star Boy couldn’t make out what was on the screen of the mobile Wes was holding up towards Kiki. But whatever it was it caused her to frown.

  “It’ll be fun, Kiki!” said Wes, moving the phone so that the Star Boy could look too.

  “This is a bus shelter, I think?” said the Star Boy, his all-black eyes squinting and blinking side to side at the screen. “Will this be fun, Kiki? Will I enjoy going to see this structure?”

  Kiki rolled her eyes.

  “Wes isn’t showing us the bus shelter,” she began to explain. “He’s talking about the advert on the side of it. For a movie.”

  “I thought it would be a cool thing for us to do today,” said Wes.

  “Yeah, but, Wes, I still don’t think it’s a good idea to—”

  “A ‘movie’?!” the Star Boy exclaimed over the top of Kiki’s words, as he scrolled through data. “Ah, movies appear on TVs or in cinemas. Would we be going to a cinema?”

  “Yes!” replied Wes. “And there’s a screening at twelve at the Odeon, so we could easily make that.”

  “Then I would like to see this earthly marvel very much, please!” the Star Boy announced.

  “Great!” said Wes, his eyes like small moons with excitement. “We can get the bus there.”

  The Star Boy’s hearts surged, and he gasped in wonder at the idea of travelling on a bus again. He’d been delighted by their outing on a number 32 last week.

  “But won’t it be a bit weird?” he heard Kiki ask. “Taking an alien to see, you know, an alien movie?”

  “Stan’ll love it!” Wes said enthusiastically. “It’s about this young guy who delivers pizzas to some scientists, and when he’s in their building he comes across an alien held captive in a lab, and then there’s an accident with chemicals or radiation or whatever, and they swap bodies!”

  “This sounds … most fascinating!” the Star Boy murmured.

  “See?” said Wes. “Stan wants to go! It’ll be fun to see what you think of it!”

  “But what if something happens in the cinema?” Kiki asked, as she looked from the Star Boy to Wes and back again. “What if you have one of these weird power surges, Stan?”

  “Nothing will happen. I will be better, Kiki. I will assess my energy constantly, be vigilant for any irregularities and correct them,” the Star Boy promised.

  “Look, Kiki, you said it yourself yesterday: we have to get Stan used to normal life, and that won’t happen sitting in here,” said Wes. “And, if we go to the movies, we’ll be silent and in the dark for most of the time, so it won’t be too exhausting for Stan. Or us!”

  As Wes worked on Kiki, the Star Boy had already begun to Morph into his Human form, copying the height, skinniness and dark hair colour of Kiki, and the gender and spiked hair of the much shorter Wes.

  “Stop!”

  The Star Boy paused, wondering why Kiki had called out in what sounded like alarm.

  “We need to find you something to wear!”

  Ah, yes, of course! Morphing into a Human boy – a naked Human boy – was a ‘DON’T’ that Kiki should add to the Learning List…

  Half an hour and a bus ride later, Kiki found herself shuffling into the last three free seats in Row F, Screen 1 at the Odeon multiplex, with an alien disguised as a regular boy (thanks to a loan of some clothes from Eddie), and a regular boy acting like an overexcitable five-year-old.

  “This is going to be brilliant!” said Wes, settling down in his seat with his box of nachos and melted cheese.

  “Hmm,” muttered Kiki, as she glanced around. It felt as if the whole of Riverside Academy was here.

  Kiki leaned over the madly grinning Star Boy and hissed at Wes, “You know you CAN take your hood down in here!”

  She didn’t mean to be mean. She knew Wes well enough now to understand that his hooded Puffa jacket was like a security blanket for him to hide inside. Only it looked so odd that it tended to attract attention even more. And attracting attention when you were in charge of a trainee human felt risky.

  “OK,” said Wes, shoving his hood back off his head and freeing his spikes of blond hair.

  Feeling better, Kiki shrugged off her own jacket, but just as she was beginning to relax she saw her ex-friends Zainab and Saffron sitting a few rows in front. They were swivelled round in their seats, staring in Kiki’s direction, sniggering and whispering together, probably about her choice of new mates.

  There was no sign of Lola, though she was bound to be here. Kiki bit her lip nervously; last time she’d seen Lola was on Thursday, at the school’s Open Evening. Lola had given Kiki the option to rejoin the Popular Crew – and Kiki had thrown it back in her face by choosing Wes instead. Kiki felt a knot of dread twist in her tummy. How did Lola treat people who’d dared to snub her?

  “What are in the paper boxes people are carrying?” she heard the Star Boy ask, as a flurry of latecomers hurried to find their seats.

  “Popcorn. It’s a kind of snack,” Kiki explained, her pulse quickening as she spotted Lola with Harvey Wickes, shuffling along the row to join Zainab and Saffron.

  “Snack. Snack-snack,” repeated the Star Boy, delighting in the word. “Snack-snack-snack-SNACK!”

  “Shh! And can you stop bouncing?” Kiki hissed, wishing her friend would sit still, wishing the lights would hurry up and dim.

  “Kiki! Those are the unpleasant girls who used to be your friends!” the Star Boy now stated.

  “Stan – do you remember what I said earlier about talking too l
oudly and pointing?” Kiki hissed some more, quickly tugging his arm down.

  “Ah, yes. Don’t,” said the Star Boy, recalling rules four and five from the Learning List.

  In that moment, Kiki froze, as she and Lola locked eyes. She watched as Lola’s smile faded to a dull stare, and with a toss of her ultra-long hair, Lola turned her back to Kiki and took her seat. What did that mean? Was Lola planning on blanking her from now on? At least that would be better than being bullied… But it was a bit too early to bet on how Lola planned on punishing her. She probably hadn’t figured out the best way to do it yet.

  All of a sudden, the lights began to dim, and Kiki gratefully settled back into her seat. The audience babble dipped away, and the giant screen burst into life.

  A millisecond later, several hundred switched-to-silent-mode mobiles also burst into life. They vibrated in the hands, laps, pockets and bags of everyone in the Odeon Screen 1, their shimmering screens demanding their owners’ attention.

  Kiki’s stomach twisted itself into an instant knot.

  “Stan! What have you done?!” she hissed, scrabbling for her own phone and dreading what message she’d find beaming from it.

  “I’m sorry – have I caused this? Is this my fault?” asked the agitated Star Boy.

  Around the cinema, a tsunami of groans, no ways and you have GOT to be kiddings had broken out.

  “It’s OK, don’t panic!” said Wes, though he was panicking himself as he frantically tried to find his own phone. When he finally did a split-second later, he was practically dizzy with relief when he saw that it was a message from school.

  “Check it out, Stan,” Wes whispered to the Star Boy, while pointing at the message. “All the phones lighting up… It’s definitely not your fault!”

  “There is an explanation for this activity?” the Star Boy asked anxiously, against a backdrop of sound and colour, as the pre-movie adverts began.

  Despite ongoing repairs, Riverside Academy will reopen tomorrow. I look forward to welcoming all students back. Mrs Evans

  “I’m sorry I thought you were to blame, Stan,” Kiki joined in. “It’s just after everything that happened back at Eddie’s place…”

  “I understand. And I accept your apology, Kiki,” said the Star Boy in a voice just loud enough to earn him a shush from the row in front.

  “OK, so that’s sorted,” Wes said, glad he could relax.

  Except he couldn’t.

  For a start – before the lights had gone down – Wes had seen Harvey Wickes twisting round to stare at him from a few rows in front. Harvey had held two fingers up to his eyes, then pointed them menacingly at Wes. The message was simple: ‘I’m watching you.’

  And now a second alert pinged on Wes’s phone. No one else had stirred, so it couldn’t be a follow-up message from school. Wes guessed pretty much instantly who it was from.

  Where are you? When will you be home? the text read.

  Wes understood that Dad got angsty when he was out, but it was kind of irritating, especially when Dad didn’t pay much attention to Wes when he was actually there. And especially since this was his first-ever visit to the cinema with real-life friends.

  Be back later this afternoon, Wes texted in reply, then switched his phone off.

  As he settled back in his gently bouncy seat, a thought suddenly niggled in his head. Maybe Kiki had a point. Was taking an actual alien to see a sci-fi movie a mistake? What if Stan found it too triggeringly familiar? (He might get upset and dysregulated!) Or what if he thought the whole concept was just too ridiculously wrong? (What if he objected really loudly?)

  I’ll just have to keep an eye on him, thought Wes, glancing at the Star Boy who was wide-eyed and open-mouthed at an ad for Lynx aftershave.

  As he moved his head, Wes felt an ache in his neck and shoulders. He shrugged, trying to loosen his tense muscles, and reminded himself that while this outing was kind of stressful it could also be the most awesome experience of his entire life. He’d always loved losing himself in sci-fi stories, and now he was watching one with an actual Star Boy by his side.

  Wes let the bright colours and sounds of the cinema wash over him, hardly believing his luck.

  Hordes of young Humans streamed out of the cinema. At the edge of the crowds, the Star Boy watched as some headed to nearby buildings that advertised items with pleasing words such as ‘pizzas’ and ‘nachos’ and ‘sushi’.

  “Pizzas, nachos, SUSHI! Pizzas, nachos, SUSHI!” he sing-songed to himself as he and his friends passed people joining snaking queues at various bus stops.

  “I was thinking we might walk back instead of catching the bus,” he heard Wes say. “If we take the walkway over the ring road, you get a great view!”

  The Star Boy stared at the large outdoor stairwell and towering structure that they were approaching.

  “But only if you have the energy for it, Stan…” Kiki checked with him.

  “I do, thank you,” said the Star Boy, now excited by the earthly marvel of metal in front of them.

  “So,” said Wes, as he began walking up the clanking steps. “What did you think of the film?”

  “It was OK,” Kiki said with a shrug. “Some good effects. Some lousy acting. Did you like it, Stan?”

  “Yes, I liked the film very much,” said the Star Boy, slipping his data lens back in place and concentrating on the dull twanging sound that the steps made as the three friends pounded up them.

  But Stan hadn’t spoken the truth. He did not like the movie or its made-up story. In it, the alien was angry and bad and destroyed things, making a terrible ‘ACK-ACK-ACK!’ noise as it assaulted random Humans, sending them flying in all directions in slow motion. The Human pizza man was understanding and good, and was relieved in the end that the alien went back to where it belonged in a stolen spacecraft.

  The film had made the Star Boy feel more than a little rattled. As if he might never belong or be accepted here on Earth. And that was too difficult to say to his dear friends. Might they grow weary of him too, if he wasn’t always doing his best…?

  “Hey, look,” said Wes, stopping now that they had reached the walkway. “See that, Stan?”

  Stan quickly gazed at the four lanes of traffic thundering along on the ring road below them. He spotted the green of hills and fields behind the cinema complex and the carpet warehouse and Fairfield Hospital on the other side of the road. But Wes appeared to be pointing out something of specific interest.

  “That’s called a Ferris wheel. It’s part of the funfair,” said Wes, pointing to the giant metal shape arcing above the treetops in the distance.

  “A Ferris wheel … a large, circular structure. Used for entertainment,” said the Star Boy, simultaneously looking where Wes indicated, while studying the information streaming in front of the storm-grey irises he’d chosen for his Human boy appearance. “Will the funfair now live in the park forever?”

  “No! It’s just passing through; it’s only actually open for one day, then they dismantle the whole thing and move somewhere else,” Kiki explained. “It won’t be back for another year.”

  “So to attend the funfair is a very special event?” asked the Star Boy.

  “Absolutely,” said Kiki. “Practically everyone in the whole town goes…”

  The Star Boy noted a soft, thoughtful kind of sadness in his friend’s voice. He quickly scrolled through a list of possible emotions, searching for a match.

  “Are you wistful, Kiki?” he asked, selecting one.

  “What?” Kiki was puzzled by the question.

  “Wistful, meaning to have or show a feeling of vague or regretful longing,” the Star Boy said helpfully.

  “No! Yes… I mean, I don’t know,” said Kiki, shaking her head. “Going to the fair’s always been kind of a big deal for my family. But it won’t be the same now if Mum’s not coming. Not if we’re going with Tasmin and her stupid dog instead.”

  The Star Boy was taken aback at his friend calling a dog stupid, when she had never met it and so would not know if it was stupid or brilliant. And he was suddenly extremely surprised to notice that there was some wetness in Kiki’s eyes. He was just about to ask why she was exuding liquid when Wes jumped in with a question.

  “Hey, Stan – I wanted to ask you something,” he said. “Do you think the alien in the movie was believable?”